How Doing This Can Change Your Life
Are you also an introvert? Nervous about presenting or just putting yourself out there? Or even just trying to find a way to improve your communication skills? Well me too! I used to be that kid all the way back in primary school where I was extremely shy, struggled with confidence and absolutely frightened to present in front of an audience.
Fast forward 15 years later and this is what I have achieved:
- School captain at my primary school
- Peer support leader in high school
- A Consultant for IBM presenting and engaging with clients on a daily basis
- A Founder and tutor for high school students
- Regional Technical Exchange speaker at IBM in 2020
- Macquarie University guest lecturer for 3 years running
- and so much more
My passion has always been mentoring and providing guidance for those who have come across similar struggles which I have faced. As I overcome these struggles, I thought I'd share what I've learnt over the past few years for how to tackle these issues head on.
THE FIRST BARRIER
One of the most important thing to understand is that, It is all in your head. Your fear of what other's may think of you is what's stopping you from being you and overcoming it. This is the first barrier which you have to break through.
Until this day, I still constantly worry about how others may think of me and judge me for who I am. It's a continuous struggle which almost everyone has to deal with BUT it's absolutely normal. It's inherent in all of us as our minds are built with an automatic physiological reaction to an event called the fight or flight response. This response is actually used to increase our chances of survival in threatening situations. So whenever we put ourselves in a situation which is uncomfortable, our minds instantly put up this barrier to which we have to overcome.
How I've learnt to overcome this is by doing the following:
- Consistently put myself in these uncomfortable situations - The more I am in these situations, the easier it gets. You train your mind to say "It's okay, you'll be fine".
- Adopting a different mindset - Whenever I think "I don't want to do it", I instantly respond with "It's a growth opportunity". Changing the way we view a problem can allow you to move past it easier.
- Taking baby steps - Start small with the less intimidating events such as meeting friends of friends or even just answering a question in class. This will help you build the confidence you need to tackle the bigger tasks. Think of it like the domino effect, you'll slowly build up your momentum and it'll become easier.
Over the years, I've been able to put these methods into practice in order to overcome my fears. I began by: volunteering to present for my group assignments, join volunteering programs and simply just saying "YES" to almost every opportunity that was presented to me.
LITTLE TO LOSE, EVERYTHING TO GAIN
We often focus on the negatives or the consequences when we're contemplating on a decision which prevents us from seeing the bigger picture. One thing that I have learnt over the years is to always ask yourself this when presented with an decision: "What you have got to lose?" This single question has been the biggest lifestyle game changer where I have been able to change the way I view the consequences.
By asking myself "What have I got to lose" has made it so that I place less of an importance/emphasis on the negatives and change so that I focus more on the opportunities to grow. As we focus less on the negatives, we're able to start seeing all of the things that we can gain from an experience such as:
- The chance to improve our relationships with others
- The chance to enhance our communication skills
- The chance to learn from an experience
As we reframe how we view situations, we begin to understand that we actually have "very little to lose, but so much more to gain" from it.
WE ARE ALL HUMAN
This may seem like a strange and obvious statement but it has completely changed the way I now interact and communicate with anyone. We can't help but notice the "social status" of the individuals that we meet and psychologically rank them. As such, we change the way we interact with them based on this perceived "status".
Think about how you would approach a student vs how you would approach an extremely successful founder or business owner. Now I don't know about you guys, but I would definitely feel more at ease and less intimidated speaking with a student than reaching out to a founder or CEO of a well established business. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely formalities and socially acceptable ways of speaking to different individuals, but I think it is important to understand that at the end of the day, "We are all human" and that we are all inherently built the same.
Regardless of your social status, we as human beings all have the same necessities in order to survive, the only difference is how we choose to spend our time. I believe that we place too much of an importance on an individuals "social status" which consequently makes it more intimidating and nerve racking when we speak to them. Hence, I have found that the best way to overcome this is doing our best to ignore this social status and treat them as if we're the same.
There is always value to be gained from everyone we meet, regardless of their social status and vice versa. Never discount the value that YOU can provide to others as well. It is extremely important to understand this concept, as this has helped me overcome my fears and interact with CEOs, COOs and even Founders as if they were my friends.
I hope that the next time you are at a crossroads with a decision, that you will be able to apply these 3 principles to overcome them. If you have found this to be insightful or helpful, please feel free to share it with someone you know who may also be having a difficult time overcoming their fears.
QOTB
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real, but fear is a choice"
By Will Smith
